Today I went to the cemetery with my sister to visit the grave of my nephew, Russell. Almost two years ago, Russ died from a car accident. Our family spent one week at Methodist Hospital in the trauma unit. That was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life. I have dealt with loss in the past. That story is another blog post. But this was horrifying. My family spent an entire week at his side. We prayed. We cried. We prayed some more. We cried some more. After losing Russ, I didn't think my life would ever be the same, and I was right. I have changed. There is something deep inside of you that you can't explain after going through something like that.
My family has always been close. We're not really into drama and don't fight amongst ourselves. We love our parents and love to spend time together. When this happened, we couldn't leave each other. And it wasn't just us siblings sticking by my sister, Sherry, who was losing her son. We were ALL together. In-laws. Cousins. My parents. We needed each other and we needed to be with my sister and my other nephew, Josh, who was grieving for his brother. My parents were grieving the loss of a grandson. My other niece and nephews were losing a cousin. My other sister, brother and I were losing a nephew and watching our sister go through something we wouldn't wish on our worst enemy.
The last almost two years have been a healing process for our family. We're closer. A little more patient with each other. A little more forgiving. A lot more grateful for each other. I guess it was one of those times in your life that you can certainly call a defining moment. I don't think I would be the same person without that experience. It still hurts and I still OFTEN wish it had not happened. But I do wonder who I would be if it had not. It is such a huge part of my life that I know it changed me. I know that I don't take life for granted. I know that I don't want to argue with people and I have no room in my life for drama. I am more forgiving and definitely do NOT sweat the small stuff anymore. Its just not worth it.
I don't think I ever REALLY understood the cliche that "life is too short." I do now. It is. I am grateful for every second I have with my kids and I am not silly enough to take it for granted.
Today as I watched my sister I thought about letting my anger sneak in. For a second, I almost went there with the "whys." But there was something so beautiful about her strength that I knew she was getting from God and her amazing husband right at her side, that I just stopped. I just kept saying over and over in my mind, "Thank you, God." For strength. For comfort. For the details. A loving husband for my sister to lean on. A family who loves each other and will support each other. A break in the rain today just as we got to the cemetery.
Yesterday was Russell's birthday. He would have been 23. I'm still sad that I don't get to see him. But I'm also grateful for the 21 years we had with him.
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