Faith: My Sin, Not In Part...But The Whole

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, Oh my soul!

"It Is Well With My Soul" is probably my very favorite song of all time. Whether you are talking about traditional hymns or contemporary Christian music, I think its just one of the best songs ever written. I have this particular song on my mind these days because I have had a lot of trouble sleeping. I don't know why. Its just something that happens. I was staying up late watching t.v. or writing, but that seemed to make me stay up even later. So I started listening to music instead. I don't think its helping a whole lot. I may be getting to sleep about an hour earlier, but I'll take it.

Its been challenging to find the right music to try to fall asleep to, since I tend to actually concentrate on the song and not let myself fully relax. Hence, the deep thoughts about "It Is Well..."

If you have only heard the traditional hymnal version of this song, I encourage you to listen to a couple of different arrangements. First off, the Jars Of Clay version off of the Redemption Songs cd is a fun, upbeat song. It kind of reminds me of a Beatles song. For the record, that whole cd is great. (The reason I originally bought it was for the very last song, "They'll Know We Are Christians By Our Love." That is another post, though.)

By far, the most amazing version for me is by Todd Agnew, though. I realize I am more of a rocker chick when it comes to music, so I am sure its not for everyone. But wow. Turn that song up loud on your ipod and shut your eyes. I dare you to try not to get emotional.

Sometimes I just need to be reminded I think. I mean...I know I do. I can be as frustrated as the next person about people, politics and everything else. (And usually I am on the opposite side of most Christians, so it can be really messy!) But what it boils down to, for me, is that I have this amazing relationship with a loving Creator. I just can't fathom, sometimes, that I am redeemed. My sin, not in part, but the whole. That's just the best line of the whole song for me. I need to remember that. Often.

Its funny how things (conversations, people) pop up in your life from your past that remind you of mistakes you have made. Its easy to start focusing on the regret that you thought you had moved past. Last night I went there. I started on a check list of regrets over the last 10 or 15 years. Little ones. Big ones. Decisions that I have made in the past that I question now. Mistakes that I am glad are tucked away in closests. Conversations that I wish I had, or had not had. People that I let in and out of my life that I shouldn't have.

Words....
Actions.....
Emotions.....

I could go on. (See why I don't sleep?) The reality is that I could sit here and beat myself up over all of it. Believe me, I have went through so many "Had I not _____, then ____ would not have happened." Its endless. Or I can let it go, the way God intended. I don't believe that He meant for us to live our lives in a constant state of regret for not being perfect. Wasn't that the purpose of Christ? To show us all, once and for all, that we are redeemed....forgiven....?

Its funny how we just grow up. Grow in our relationship with God. Grow in our relationships with others. We just grow up. We move past "stuff." We move on. I am glad that I am able to grow from my mistakes. Learn from them. The fact of the matter is that ALL of your experiences make you who you are. Not just the good ones. All of them.

Check out Todd Agnew's version of "It Is Well With My Soul," and enjoy the peace that God gives us through this song.

(By the way, I don't have bones buried in my backyard or anything, so please don't let your mind wander about my "sins" I am talking about! I think EVERYONE has made mistakes. That's all.)