I have to say, I don't think I could have ever expected the challenges we are facing right now. About a year ago, PJ's father was diagnosed with vascular dementia. It has been quite the roller coaster ride ever since. After much trial and error with different medications, he had become almost like his old self, until recently when we were advised by his doctors that some of the side effects were becoming quite dangerous. So back to square one. Trial and error with different meds again!
One of the problems that his father battles is severe insomnia. This is so frustrating for him. He is tired all of the time and yet he can't sleep. Some days he is walking around almost zombie like, while other days he seems like himself. He also suffers from a few physical complications as well, so keeping up with what we may consider some pretty easy tasks are really difficult for him.
As an adult, I don't think we are ever prepared to watch our parents struggle with their health. Its hard. No matter who you are. Its hard. This person who you have always seen as a strong "grown up" is now shuffling across the room and looking confused. The same person who made you eat your vegetables, now has an almost empty fridge and rarely eats anything nutritious.
Last week we decided that we had to work on his Dad's house. It needs some serious TLC and major repairs. A leaky roof. Mold in the sunroom. A start of a remodel to a bathroom that was never finished. Makeshift curtains that were nailed to trim to cover the windows. I could go on. He doesn't want to move and at this point we can't force him to. (Even though we worry about his safety every day because he is alone.) The only solution is to make the house as nice as we can while he is living there.
Yesterday was PJ's birthday and the only day that we could work it out to start on his Dad's house. The whole family, his brothers, sister and Mom, met to help and celebrate PJ's birthday. It ended up being an amazing day but also kind of emotional. The last few weeks have been very difficult with doctors appointments and insurance drama so when I saw PJ smiling yesterday, I knew we had made the right choice for his birthday plans. His Dad was so happy to be surrounded by his kids and grandkids working on his house. At one point he joked that he felt like Donald Trump. I am pretty sure he was saying that because his house was looking so nice.
A great day, indeed. But certainly unfamiliar territory. This is my father in law I am watching struggle. The same one who didn't want us to get married 15 years ago because he didn't think we were ready. The one that wanted to leave me a gun in one of our first apartments because he knew I would be alone a lot while PJ traveled. (It was really bad neighborhood.) The one who wept with us during the loss of two children. And the one who never treated me differently when PJ and I had our own marital problems that were almost too difficult to work out.
I think the least I can do is help with a bathroom remodel.
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