The Fire Diaries: Part 3...It happened, we snapped!

I think its kind of comical that I pride myself on keeping a positive attitude in the midst of a whole lot of negative going on around me. The reason its funny is because ANYTIME you PRIDE yourself on anything, chances are you are going to get a lesson taught at some point. Hmm, what do I mean....well, here:

I have said it. Felt it. Lived it. Positive thinking during the times of negative "stuff." I make it my mantra to find the good in times of adversity. To see the cup as half-full. I am a die-hard, self-proclaimed, to the point of annoying sometimes, OPTIMIST. I hate focusing on the negative and I refuse to let ANYTHING get me down. Or so I thought.

Yesterday, I lost it. I mean, kind of went a little nutty even. Loco.

I have this pet peeve of people yelling at their kids in front of people. I just kind of think, its your business, not mine. I don't want to hear you scream at the top of your lungs at your kids, and am pretty sure you don't want to hear me, either. I would classify myself as a closet yeller. I try not raise my voice. It happens. BUT....not out in the front yard for the neighbors to hear. Now, my husband, on the other hand....

He is one of those "I am not trying to impress anyone, so why should I pretend I don't yell at my kids" kind of people. If something the kids are doing warrants something stronger than a "now kids....," chances are, he will raise his voice. And he is much more of a disciplinarian than I am. But yesterday. Oh, yesterday. The kids were pushing us BOTH to our limits. They were arguing over EVERYTHING. Just bickering. Finally, after arguing while trying to play basketball, I said, "That's it. Go clean out the van. There is plenty to do for both of you. If you can't get along while playing, let's just work then." Now. Did I really think cleaning out the van would magically make them start to get along? Who knows. I was desperate. We were out at our house TRYING to clean up the yard and simultaneously do a few loads of laundry with my washer and dryer. Surprise, surprise. The arguing begins again. This time, PJ is riding by on the tractor and sees it. He kind of went a little overboard. The next thing I know, I am in the backyard and I can hear him yelling at the kids. Loud! It had to be loud for the kids to hear him over the tractor. I turn to look next door and who is outside? Of course. Our neighbors are out front. With company. Do I have to even say anymore? You already know that I lost it. He lost it with the kids. Now I am losing it with him.

I just grabbed my keys. Shut the hatch on the van. Told the kids to buckle up. This whole time PJ is staring at me like I am crazy. I think I had some choice words. I won't repeat those. I know they were quiet, though! (Not so quiet that PJ couldn't hear!) I do remember saying something like, "I can't believe you would yell at the kids that loud and embarrass me like that! They are outside! They have company! I am the school secretary and they are on the school board! People are probably going to start talking about me!!!!"

Now. I am just cracking up about this today. But at the time, it made perfect sense to get that upset. First of all, PJ isn't abusive or anything. But yeah...he's a yeller. Not the most patient guy in the world. But neither am I! I am not about to start calling the kettle black!!! There really is no reason whatsoever for me to get that upset. Except the fact that...he knows it bugs me. We have had the conversation more than once about yelling at the kids outside. I guess I just felt like maybe he didn't care how I felt about it, so he did it anyway. Who knows. All I know is that I was mad. He was mad. And I drove off in my van and told him to call me when he was ready to be picked up.

Could it be...by chance....maybe....

We are stressed?!?! Maybe our fuses are little shorter than normal? We may just be a little more short-tempered right now. Due to stress. Lack of sleep.

Sooooo, the negative HAS gotten to me, hasn't it?

Today, I am just thinking about how every time we think we have something conquered, we seem to get a gentle reminder. I will continue to think positive thoughts and see the good in everything. Look for the silver lining. BUT. I do want to watch myself. I don't want my words to be empty. I want to mean what I say. Walk the walk. Practice what I preach!

Until next time....LOWER YOUR VOICE!!!!!!! (Ha, ha, ha!!!)