Well. To say the very, very least, I feel out of sorts. To state that uprooting your family from their home and sticking them in a small apartment is inconvenient is the understatement of the year. Yet, I STILL feel so ungrateful for complaining about anything when it comes to our house fire. I feel as if complaining about how inconvenient everything has been seems as if I am ungrateful for what I DO have. Food in our bellies. Roof over our head. Warmth. Shelter. Everything we NEED. Its just that the line between WANT and NEED is so very, very fine. Sometimes I don't know where that line is. Its invisible or something. "I NEED new shoes. I NEED a new purse. I NEED to get my hair done." I could go on. And on.
But really. I just NEED to vent! This apartment is driving me nuts! Its small, yes. But oh my gosh. Its not the cleanest thing in the world. The kids' feet were dirty and I realized its the carpet. Wow. That's just gross. There are 4. Yes, 4. 4 washcloths. 6 towels. The sheets keep slipping off of the mattress. (Ewww.) And I am not sleeping worth a crap. The bed is not comfortable. I wake up so tired still from the night before that I don't know what I am doing. What do I mean? Let me tell you....
Last night, I went to take off my bra to get my jammies on. I could NOT find the hook. What in the world? Why can't I get my bra OFF? As I am wrestling with myself and twisting my arms in ways behind my back that I didn't know was possible, I cannot figure out why I can't unhook my bra. Then it came to me. My bra was on inside out. The hooks were on the inside and I could not figure out how to unhook them. Now, don't ask me HOW I got it on in the first place. I have no idea. But, I do know this: I am NOT myself right now. Not my schedule. My routine. Its ALL off! Who knows if anyone could see my bra tag through my white blouse. Maybe! Oh well...They probably got to see my generic Fruit of the Loom bra that I had to buy at Walmart the other day to give myself a few extras while I was rewashing ALL of my other underclothes!
Point is...life just kind of FEELS inside out. Or upside down. Something. Not our "norm." I wish I could be a little more laid back about it and not notice my little inconveniences. But the truth is, its hard to be uprooted from your home with your family regardless of how lucky you are that it wasn't worse! It does put some interesting things into perspective for me, though. I have thought a lot about other fire victims, (what I would consider "real fire" victims!) flood victims, even those affected by Katrina. I still praise God each day that things weren't worse.
But....I am allowing myself to acknowledge that this whole mess has been difficult. Its o.k. to be a little out of sorts. Its o.k. that I don't have it 100% together right now. I am realizing that the important thing for me to focus on is PROGRESS. I don't have to guilt myself into making this "not a big deal." But I also don't have to focus on all of the inconveniences, either.
Until next time...just forward!
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